Why do we count ourselves out before we start playing the game?

I’ve noticed this habit in people. They play small before they realize how great they are. I’m not exempt, I battled this issue in the past. But, I now believe wholeheartedly that we are born with everything we need. We are born with everything we need to live the life we want. But we don’t believe it. We lack faith.

In the beginning, it wasn’t our fault. There were circumstances beyond our control that impacted how we see the world. These experiences affect how we relate to people and how we relate to ourselves. And if you experienced any kind of trauma in your life, then it’s that much harder.

Some people can turn their struggles into victories, while others continue to suffer silently. Some people fight with their demons daily but continue to persevere. Each day they wake up, and they have to make a conscious decision to choose life.

Life is multilayered. There isn’t this one thing that’s aimed to help everyone experience a transformational shift because everyone is unique. Their relationships are dynamic. But, regardless of this dynamic, I believe everyone can live a life that brings them joy.

Some of us have to go through unbelievable painful lessons so we can understand ourselves better. But, we must allow ourselves to go through that transformation.

In 2012, I was in a relationship that eventually developed into a four-year toxic relationship. We often play out our unhealed traumas in our relationships. I’m very thankful for that relationship because it broke me open, and I experienced a breakthrough.

Many of us can’t see the mess in the message. We’re blinded by the lessons that everyone who comes into our lives shows us. We’re not able to see how life is attempting to build our resilience. People who have their breakthroughs (with a professional) can reframe these experiences. This is how they turn their struggles into victories. But they don’t do it alone.

We count ourselves out because, for an extended amount of time, the people around you, the experiences we’ve had, deliberately squashed us. But now is the time to step up, to regain our power. The power we’ve always had, but pain smothered it. As Christine Hassler would say, “You’re not broken. There’s nothing about you that needs to be fixed.”

We have to dig a bit deeper. Our hearts need to break open even more. Once we do, we’ll trust ourselves again. We’ll find our voice again. We’ll reclaim our power. And that’s when we’ll stop playing small.

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