The One Thing That We Don’t Talk About Enough13 min read

Anyway, we’re going to get started. I’m going to get started. Hi everyone. My name is Frantzces. I’m a Plant Medicine Integration Coach, which essentially means that I help others and help people. Hey Phoebe. Hey babe. I help people, um, integrate after plant medicines through transformative coaching uh, so tonight, um, I can’t remember the title of the one thing we’re not talking about.

I think that’s what I wrote. I forgot that I could do that beforehand, but anyway, so I’m really excited to talk to you guys tonight, mainly because I had some things come up for me that I really wanted to share that I think a lot of us could possibly are related to. So I had a reading not too long ago about like two week-ish two weeks ago.

And, um, the reading the reading was with Phoebe also known as The Temple Of The Goddess. And I just came in there to get like a birth chart reading, you know what I’m saying? Just having, a little fun, and this is actually my second reading. So I had a reading in December and I just want to kind of like compare notes and some things came up.

Uh, Phoebe was able to channel some things from my ancestors and what she channeled really helped bring to light some things that, uh, I’ve been struggling with subconsciously that now I could actually move forward from, and I’m not going to go into the details of like the whole entire reading or anything, um, Hey Hollis or anything, but, uh, what came up was, uh, grief and loss.

And, you know, I’ve had a lot of loss in my life over my lifetime. And one of the things that she said to me was that my ancestors were telling me, Hey, you know, you no longer have to carry this loss anymore, that you can actually give it to us. Um, and that you’re not alone. You don’t have to carry it alone anymore, which is something that really deeply resonated with me because I’ve experienced loss over my lifetime.

And really didn’t have anyone who can articulate that loss for me. Uh, I didn’t really know how to process that loss. Right? And so the a minute that she said that I started tearing up and, and um, I was like, wow. Yeah, that, that makes sense. And so that got me thinking about us as a collective, uh, you know, how much loss that we’ve experienced, that we’re actually not grieving.

And then I thought about like, you go into, you know, your therapist, office, or whomever. And you go in for one thing, but then you find out after you get to the root, it’s something completely different. And that’s where the wound is. Right? And that’s when we find out what that wound is, that’s when we can actually make lifelong changes.

And so one of the things I also mentioned in my post was emotional imbalances. You’re going to hear the motorbikes cause I’m in the Dominican Republic and all they do is ride those loud motorbikes. Uh, so one of the things that I mentioned was emotional imbalances and what I mean by an emotional imbalance is when life events happen, how do we cope with those?

You know, are we able to manage the difficult, the difficulties of the ebbs and flow of life? And so when Phoebe said that I was, I don’t like using the word struggle when Phoebe said I was struggling with grief, um, and it was a theme in my life. And so I thought, um, and I, my notes here as I’m going back and forth, and I thought, well, I can’t be the only one that’s experiencing this.

And, and so I had a powerful conversation with my partner the other night, and we were talking about our relationship and the things that we had to grieve individually and collectively as a unit. And it came back to grief and loss again. So it was this a reoccurring theme and we don’t talk about grief and loss enough and no one thinks, okay, you know, I’m going to go see a grief and loss specialist for this anxiety, for this depression.

Like, we don’t think that, right. We go see a specialist who is trained in depression and anxiety, but underneath it all it’s grief. Right. It’s grief. And so, um, what we’re dealing with is the imbalances in those emotions. We’re not grieving. Okay. And so we don’t recognize that we actually need to grieve. We don’t recognize that we have to pause so that we can grieve.

Um, so we have a lot of grieving to do. I remember seeing two clients, both of them had similar experiences. They both experienced miscarriages and they never processed that grief. They, some of them were still like working. Can you imagine what that does to your body? Can you imagine what that does to your heart?

If you don’t grieve a miscarriage. So all that grief that we experience in life, it’s like a layer of clothing. We experience a loss, we put a layer of clothing, we experienced a loss we put a layer of clothing it kind of reminds me of the episode where Rudy is in that snow suit and she’s stiff as a board and she can’t move. She can’t get up.

That’s how a lot of us are moving through this world with our grief. So what I’m encouraging you to do is to revisit some of the things that happened in your life, and then ask yourself could what I’m feeling underneath it all be grief? And sit with that. Could it be lost? I mean, sit with that for that for a moment, you know, when I had my son at 17, right.

I lost my innocence as a child and I didn’t, I didn’t process that. Like I took two weeks off, went back to school and graduated and then just kept going. Right. So I didn’t pause to process that loss of innocence at all. So grief and loss isn’t only about losing a person it’s also about losing the self Hey Jugaad good to see you. Um, and sometimes you lose a part of yourself that you didn’t even know existed. Like you didn’t even know you lost it until somebody recognizes it. And so you could experience grief and loss when your relationship changes, whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, you can experience grief and loss.

When you move into a new city and things are different when something changes or maybe it’s something that we never received similar to like a, um, a child wanting a love from a parent, that’s a form of loss and I want us to sit and think about that. Where in your life have you experienced certain losses that you really haven’t grieved? And often part of this whole process too, is because the reason that we have a hard time processing our grief is because we or the loss it’s because we wish things would be different.

And I’ll get into this a bit later. Um, but I’m not a grief expert or counselor at all but I know loss. Um, and I know that each of us on an individual level, um, have been encouraged I don’t want to say force, but encouraged, uh, to experience loss because every day we lose something, right? Whether it’s our ego, that kind of gets in the way of something.

Uh, whether we, we have to be humble, uh, whether we have to set our ego aside to actually, you know, relate to somebody every day, we’re losing something. So there’s always opportunity. For us to face, um, these things so that we could actually be reborn, um, you know, or will we actually remain encased in what we used to be and what could have been, and keep that as a running internal dialogue?

Here’s the thing. When we have emotional imbalances as a result of having difficulties with coping, with the challenges of life, you know, what it represents, it represents a disconnect from the heart and the mind, it also represents too much money, not enough heart or too much heart and not enough mind.

And I’m someone, who’s a, who’s a mind person. I had to work through the process of reconnecting with my heart. Right. And so when we’re imbalanced, we don’t harmonize. And when we don’t harmonize we can’t flow. Okay. What’s going on Molaundo um, so before I, I give you an activity that you can actually use to work through some of this stuff

there’s a whole, there’s a little bit of a process that you, you gotta be open to so that you can get to that activity. The first thing is to accept the loss and know that it’s gone it’s important for you to begin to shift the way that you see and feel about that loss. And what I mean by that is shifting your relationship with the loss.

How are you relating to that loss? What’s going on Landon long time no see. And what I mean by accept that is when you no longer wish it was different. That’s when you accept it, that’s not easy. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But this is sort of the process, um, that we all must go through.

Right. And the next thing is to process the pain, right? Some of us are walking around here with hearts, solid as a rock. I know cause I’ve been there and your challenge here is to feel the pain. And some of us were like, well, you know, I’m not really a crier. I don’t cry. Put on a sad movie and cry Lord get that process going.

Okay. Uh, but you need to feel the pain. So, um, the, the, the, the grief needs a place to move through. So feel the pain cry get angry, right? Sometimes it’s just anger that you need to actually process through, do all the above, but you have emotions. What is, what is the root word of emotions? Motion. The emotions must move through

you. And then lastly, um, admit not admit, I’m sorry adjust to a world that’s different now. Right? Because now the loss exists. So the world is going to be differently and you do that using the mind, right? You do that by making practical changes in your life. We often move away from that. Uh, but that helps bring the momentum going and bring a bit more harmony between the mind and the

heart. To grieve means that you are coming to terms with that loss. And so what you can do is write a letter, and this is don’t this might trip you out a little bit. It might trip you out a little bit, but be open to it, but write a letter, thanking what you lost, because that was your teacher. Now it’d be hard doing that

if that’s a person but even that person was a teacher for you. And you could, if it’s a person, then you could definitely write something about like the memories that you’ve had and just whatever comes up for you as you’re like writing that letter. Um, and in the process of you writing that letter of thanks, what you’re doing is you’re, you’re doing an honoring of that

loss. You honor, what you have lost. And when you do that, you change the relationship. And what I mean by that is that honoring comes from a place of love, right? Because when we grieve, which is appropriate, we need to grieve, it comes from a place of sadness and we need to feel that to get to the honor. Okay.

And so part of doing this is maybe doing like a ritual. The ritual might in the beginning and you could do for two days a week or whatever in the beginning, it might feel like sadness, but over time, it’s going to start to feel like love. One of the things that I started doing was I created an alter, uh, for my ancestors.

I’m still building the altar and I’m still building a relationship with my ancestors. Uh, but it’s a ritual now it’s becoming a ritual that I do in the morning, acknowledging them, thanking them for their presence. So it’s almost the same when you have that loss. It’s like, thank you for being a teacher in my life.

And thank you for being a presence in my life because that loss has taught you something about yourself and it’s taking that lesson and incorporating it into our growth. And you could, again, like I said, make it into a ritual or a ceremony. Um, because part of that ceremonial process is you dissolving that old relationship with that loss and then rebirthing a new one.

Okay. Now, before I go, one of the things that, uh, Phoebe suggested that I look into was, uh, this woman that did a lot of work with grief. Her name is Sobonfu Somé. And it’s interesting, cause I had her book as a sample and I never read it. So now I’m going to have to go back and read it, but I want to leave you with something that she says is super, super powerful.

And um, I want to share that with you. So she says every day, uh, we experience different things in our lives. Uh, we experienced joy, we experienced sadness, and many times we have grief that we don’t even have the words for so it’s important for us to grieve the losses that we experience on an everyday basis so that we can heal to recover from that loss, right, from what we have lost.

So grieving, she says is a soul-cleansing way to reclaim and to recover our spirit. And when we do not grieve, we stay in unhealthy places and lose who we are. And so it was very important for us to cry. Like I just mentioned maybe to reconnect with nature, uh, to express our grief so we can feel safe and sane once again, so that the body can we recover from those losses.

And I thought that was very powerful. Um, if you have any questions, let me know, drop them down in the chat and, but thank you for joining me this evening, maybe this is like Wednesday wisdom, wisdom, Wednesdays, maybe. I don’t know we’ll see. We’ll see what I can come up with as I continue to get some of these insights that I love to share with you.

And I hope that it was helpful. If it gave you some bit of clarity. Definitely, you know, share it with a friend or just comment below. And, um, I remember to always, you know, find a place where you can come from a place of love, um, and it’s always, I always say me and my partner always say it’s either love or fear.

So, um, she was one. I will see y’all I’m out. Thank you for watching.

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